4.1.3 Foundation Series: Essay 3
Related: Introduction to the Foundation Series · Essay 1 · Essay 2
Welcome
My mom’s mantra taught me to take the wheel of my life. This essay explores how personal responsibility shaped my choices, guided my leadership, and now influences how I parent my daughters.
Drive your own bus. Those were the words she repeated to me before I even reached kindergarten. They carried me through challenges, setbacks, and growth. They still echo in my home today.
“Drive Your Own Bus”
Before kindergarten, my mom often repeated this phrase. I was a storm of energy, curiosity, and emotion. ADHD and dyslexia shaped my early years before either were widely understood.
My mom believed in me, not just my behavior. She grounded me with love, patience, and firm boundaries. She taught me to own my actions, to recognize when I was spinning out, and she reminded me time and again, “Billy, you need to drive your own bus.”
It was not only about self-control. It was about self-respect and empathy. She emphasized honoring commitments and taking responsibility for the impact I had on others.
Saying No to Medication
By fourth grade, my behavior at a parochial school caught the principal’s attention. She quietly removed disruptive students, and I was next. Her solution was medication.
My mom refused. Her wisdom was simple, “When will you ever come off,” she asked. She was not opposed to medicine when it was needed. But she did not want me placed on a long-term prescription to fix something she believed I could learn to manage with discipline, accountability, and care.
She had been working with me for years to build self-control. As early as second grade she encouraged me to give up sugar, and she stayed with me through the hard parts. That steady effort, paired with her constant reminder to drive my own bus, became a tough but effective combination.
Passing the Mantra Forward
Today, as a father of three daughters, they know the phrase well. When life feels chaotic, I pause, check the dashboard, and take the wheel.
Years ago, I explored the idea behind that phrase and found it reflected in William Glasser’s Choice Theory. It emphasizes that behavior is a choice and responsibility is a path to freedom. That truth is as relevant today as it was in my childhood.
Reflection Point
Self-leadership begins the moment we decide to take the wheel of our own lives.
The Lesson: Driving the Bus Means Owning Your Life
- Self-leadership begins with personal responsibility.
- Freedom grows from the choices we make each day.
- Driving my own bus means owning both mistakes and progress.
Practical Takeaways
- Pause when life feels chaotic, name what you can control, and take the next right action.
- Teach responsibility through both accountability and compassion.
- Build simple systems that reinforce the identity you want to live.
Two Questions to Explore
- Who taught you the most about personal responsibility, and how did their guidance shape your life?
- When have you needed to remind yourself to drive your own bus, and what helped you take back control?
Further Resources
- What Is Choice Theory? (William Glasser Institute). A clear overview of Glasser’s framework that connects responsibility, freedom, and healthy relationships.
- Atomic Habits by James Clear. Practical strategies to translate personal responsibility into daily habits that compound.
- The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. Encouragement for wholehearted living that balances self-leadership with courage and compassion.
Thank you for being part of my journey. May you find strength in personal responsibility and courage in self-leadership.
Live. Lead. Love.
Billy
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Explore the Foundation Series: Series Home · Essay 1 · Essay 2
Another good essay, Billy. And I still see you exercising this mantra. As you know, certain behaviors and old habits continue to test us. You point out how to identify and keep them under control, as well as suggesting other good resources. Well done!
Dad
Thank you, Dad! I appreciate this and YOU!
Your mom was a very wise woman and mother. There’s a lot of “food for thought “ in “Drive your own bus”. Even in my old age, you’ve given me lots to think about. Nicely done Billy.
Thank you so much for your kind words, Mary. I’m glad my mom’s wisdom still resonates and that “Drive your own bus” gave you something meaningful to reflect on.
“Drive your own bus.”, the words are simple but very powerful. A lot of people, including me, were told what is right, what is wrong, you should do this or that by parents or other people. The sequence is that I become less sense of self-worth and responsibility. It will happen to our subordinates or kids if we do the same thing. For myself, I will need to hold my steer wheel firmly and grow my self-leadership. At the same time, I will respect my subordinates or kids, allow them to drive their own bus, with recognitions and encouragements. Thank you, Billy for the insightful article.
Thank you for such a thoughtful reflection, Joe. I really appreciate the way you connected the idea of “driving your own bus” to both self-leadership and how we guide others. You are absolutely right that when we over-direct, we risk weakening a person’s sense of responsibility and self-worth. When we give them the wheel with recognition and encouragement, it helps them grow into who they are meant to be. I admire how you are applying this both for yourself and for those you lead.