Feed What Grows: A Reflection on the Two Wolves

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21.3-1.1 Framing Series, Set 1 of 3 (Parables): Essay 1

Related: Introduction to the Foundation Series · Introduction to the Load-Bearing Series · Introduction to the Framing Series · Framing Series, Set 1 (Parables) 

Before we begin, a brief note of orientation.

First, thank you for being here. If you do not already subscribe, I share an introduction to each new series by email before it officially launches. This essay opens the Framing Series, a three-part exploration of the ideas, stories, and voices that have shaped how I see the world. The first set, Parables of Every Age, begins here.

If you would like to receive future series introductions ahead of time, you are welcome to subscribe here or by using the link above. Otherwise, you may find it helpful to read the overarching Framing Series introduction or the Set One introduction on parables, both of which provide context for how this essay fits within the larger structure.

Welcome

There are stories that entertain, and there are stories that train us. This is one of those. It is simple enough for a child to remember, yet deep enough for an adult to return to for a lifetime. The Two Wolves is a parable about the inner battle every person carries and the quiet power of choice.

I want my daughters to understand this early, not because I want them to grow up too fast, but because I want them to grow up aware. Life will hand them pressure, disappointment, noise, temptation, and fatigue. The goal is not perfection. The goal is awareness. The goal is learning how to tend the inner world so it does not quietly take control of the outer one.

Origin of the Parable

The Two Wolves story is often attributed to Cherokee teaching, and it also appears across several Indigenous oral traditions in varied forms. In some versions the animals change. Wolves become dogs or birds. The details shift, but the message remains steady. Human beings wrestle with competing impulses, and our daily choices determine which one grows stronger.

What makes the parable enduring is that it does not shame the struggle. It names it. It tells the truth that each of us carries both light and shadow, and that what we repeatedly nourish becomes what we increasingly become.

Story Synopsis

The story tells of a grandfather who explains to his grandson that inside every person live two wolves locked in quiet conflict. One wolf embodies anger, envy, pride, fear, and resentment. The other carries kindness, patience, generosity, humility, gratitude, and hope. After hearing this, the grandson asks which wolf will win. The grandfather answers gently, “The one you feed.”

It is a reminder that the direction of our lives is shaped not by accident, but by the habits of heart we nourish each day.

How This Parable Found Me

I first heard The Two Wolves story from my dad. What surprised me was not the idea itself. This concept had lived within me for as long as I can remember. I simply did not have words for it. I had been living its lesson long before I could name it.

When I think back to my earliest childhood and my mom’s drive-your-own-bus mantra, I can see the two sides clearly. There was a part of me that carried responsibility, joy, humor, laughter, and an honest desire to please my parents and be a good friend. Then there was another side of me that felt hyper, distracting, and disruptive. I did not like that side of me. I was aware of it, and that awareness mattered.

Through my mom’s coaching, I learned early that I could choose. I could feed the wolf within me that reflected the person I believed I could become, and the person I wanted to be. Not perfectly. Not always. But intentionally.

Four True Places This Parable Shows Up

Over time, this story has continued to resurface in my adult life, and each time it returns it feels less like advice and more like a mirror. Here are a few places where it has become especially real for me.

1. In the quiet moments when nobody is watching. The wolf I feed is often chosen in ordinary, hidden decisions. What I rehearse in my mind, what I read, what I dwell on, what I forgive, what I refuse to release. These are not dramatic choices, but they become destiny over time.
2. In fatherhood, especially as my daughters learn how to interpret the world, we talk often. We watch the PBS NewsHour together most evenings, and even at a young age they are learning how to notice what is happening beyond our home. They are developing a kind of steady judgment that feels older than their years. I am not trying to rush childhood. I am trying to offer tools. I want them to develop sound discernment early, so they can shape their own behavior, make thoughtful choices, and learn how to feed the wolf they want leading their lives.
3. In work, where responsibility is real and energy is limited. I have a deep sense of responsibility to earn my keep. I want to bring value to the company and community where I work and live. At the same time, we only have so much energy within us. If I pour it into what does not move my family or our shared good forward, I will not have enough left for what matters most. For me, feeding the better wolf often looks like stewarding attention and choosing priorities with courage.
4. In the way I show up with others. Every interaction is a crossroads. Every new experience, and every intersection with another life, is an opportunity to decide how I will show up. First impressions matter. Continued presence matters. Whether I give life hope, or let it knock me to my knees, is influenced by what I feed in the inner world long before the outer world tests me.

Reflection Point

The life I live tomorrow will be shaped by what I feed in myself today.

The Lesson: Feed What Grows

• Both wolves are real. Denial does not heal the inner battle. Awareness does.
• The winning wolf is rarely chosen in one grand moment. It is chosen through repeated habits of thought, speech, and action.
• Feeding the better wolf is not weakness. It is strength that is disciplined, patient, and steady.
• When I choose what is true, kind, and courageous, I build a home inside myself where my daughters can feel safe.

Practical Takeaways

1. Name the two wolves in your own words. Write a short list of what the weaker wolf sounds like in your mind, and what the wiser wolf sounds like.
2. Choose one daily practice that reliably feeds the better wolf, such as prayer, silence, journaling, a walk outside, or a short gratitude list.
3. When life feels heavy or rushed, pause before you respond. Ask, Which wolf is about to speak for me?
4. Make one clear boundary that protects your energy. Remove one recurring drain so your best attention goes where it belongs.
5. Teach this parable to someone younger. Ask them what each wolf represents, and listen closely. Their answers will often surprise you.

Two Questions to Explore

• What do you tend to feed when you are tired, stressed, or feeling unseen, and what would it look like to choose differently?
• What daily habits do you want your children to inherit, not as rules, but as inner strength that will guide their choices?

Further Resources

• Atomic Habits by James Clear. A practical framework for how small choices, repeated consistently, shape identity and character over time.
• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl. A profound reminder that even under pressure, we retain the freedom to choose our response and the person we become.

Thank you for being a part of my journey. As I begin this first set on parables, I keep returning to one quiet hope for my daughters and for myself. When the day is loud, when disappointment shows up, when anxiety tries to take the wheel, we will remember we are not powerless. We can choose what we feed. We can choose what grows.

Live. Lead. Love.
Billy

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Explore the Foundation Series Introduction · Explore to the Load-Bearing Series Introduction · Explore the Framing Series Introduction · Explore the Framing Series, Set 1 (Parables)